Panic is good for nothing.

 

"Everybody feels some level of stress or other. In this regard, you're not special." Right now, those words are music to my ears, because when I get stressed like this, I always think I'm the only person on planet earth who is subjected to this kind of waterboarding of panic.

I woke in the middle of the night with heart palpitations and the sound of a furious storm raging outside my window. Now, you'd think I would be filled with gratitude that there was a roof over my head during this tempest, but instead I let it stir up more than rain, leaves and the odd branch. I began grinding on all the things that are wrong: I'm broke, my car has 3 parking tickets and it could get booted, my mom was just diagnosed with Leukemia, there's no food in the fridge, I'll need to get everything together for the trip to Philly on the 23rd but where's the money gonna come from, work is piling up and there simply aren't enough bodies to throw at it, I can't buy any Christmas pressies, my dog is sick. Basically, you name it, I was freaking the fuck out over it. 

Now, don't ask me what enabled me to go back to sleep, but I guess bottom line it was the fact that I told my brain, "There's absolutely NOTHING you can do about any of these things right this minute. In the morning, make a list and start the process of addressing and crossing off."

When I awoke, my priority list surfaced number one: talking to my mom, my daughter and my sis—because they're people who actually love me. Then, I gave myself a to-do of assignments outside of the laundry list of reality that I'm drowning in. "Just for today: give something away. Listen when people talk. Don't make it be about you. Breathe and smile. Do stuff that doesn't cost anything. Laugh when you can, even if you don't think you can. Be kind and compassionate. Do something nice for someone and let them find out—or not—on their own. Go outside (we work in the cellar of what used to be the town library and it's easy to let an entire 7 hours of sunlight to go unexperienced). Read one of your fwd-crazed friend's emails. Write shit down in meetings so you don't have to rely on your increasingly addled brain for info. And kick panic in the nuts." 

Ahh. That feels better. No, seriously, it does. Try it for yourself. Now, I'm going outside for a breath of fresh air. And guess what? That don't cost a thing.